being happy with being unhappy

Most things get used up. Candles, gas tanks, glasses of water, money in the bank. Other things work a bit differently, in a more biological way: rather than getting used up, there are systems that attempt to match their usage. Strength is a good example... everyone realizes that the more often you use your muscles and your physical energy, the more your body will have available for you next time you need to use it. The body tries to match the demand for its resources. The body responds to effort being used by becoming stronger. This is common knowledge, but I think that this phenomenon actually applies to more areas of our lives than we typically give it credit for.

In fact, almost everything about ourselves works this way: memory, passion, intelligence, patience, empathy, strength of will, ambition, luck, happiness. All of these things that we sort of assume are static characteristics of ourselves can be exercised and improved.

Something I've been noticing lately is that people often inadvertently discourage trying to change. People say you are forcing things, or trying too hard. People encourage you to relax, take it easy, calm down, give yourself a break. While these are meant to increase happiness, I think they are misleading in that the way to improve yourself often requires a very forced and concerted effort that in fact includes actually trying.

What are you trying to do right now. Beyond survive. Which parts of your brain and body and life and circumstances are you trying to improve? I've found that even the ability to "try" is something that takes practice, and exercise. The biggest problem is probably that it's difficult to focus on something when focusing itself is something that we don't have much natural ability in (and it only gets worse with all of our daily distractions). People don't realize how easy it is to try to do something, once you can focus on trying to. Or, they don't realize that there's a correllation between trying and actually doing. Excuses I hear a lot are that they don't know where to start, or that it's not that simple. A lot of people seem to be happy being unhappy. I find it a bit ridiculous. Why must a job "be a job"? Why must compromises be made so quickly? If compromises must be made, at which point should they be made? I think amazing things happen to people who expect amazing things to happen.

Comments

[Sean Murphy]

I think this is a very good insight. We get better at what we do, as long as we focus on getting better. I think too many folks do get comfortable with being unhappy: they can too easily imagine things getting worse. And in many cases, changes or efforts to improve do make things less certain in the early stages. It's a challenge to figure out how you want to keep score and then to calibrate it against both your progress to date and distance to your goals. No one stays on a diet thinking "I still have thirty pounds to lose," it's not as motivating as "I've lost twelve pounds." I think entrepreneurs in particular can become discourage because "they aren't a success" when they should take heart because they are trying new things and at least making new mistakes. Some quotes to complement your very insightful post:

"They can because they think they can."
Virgil

"It's the most unhappy people who most fear change."
Mignon McLaughlin

"The only time you mustn't fail is the last time you try."
Charles Kettering

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare;
It is because we do not dare that they are difficult."
Seneca

"Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work."
Thomas A. Edison

"Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our full powers."
Mignon McLaughlin

[Stephanie]

I don't know. I agree with some of your post but there are parts that I don't.

I don't think all unhappy people are happy being unhappy. I think it's more of a matter of trying to find your way out of a rut/situation. Haven't you ever been driving and gotten lost? Imagine you don't have a map, and you don't know where to buy one. How are you going to find your way home? What if you can't find to anyone willing to give you directions. That's right. You've got to do it yourself. But misery loves company and people don't always take kindly to others, "looking for greener pastures" or "trying to get above themselves". (I despise that last term.)

I'm referring to your first paragraph where you discuss strength. Everything you said is true but you left out two parts, rest and refuel. When you first begin weight training they tell you not to work the same body part two days in a row. This is because your muscles need 24-48 (I can't remember) hours to recover. Heavy exercise causes little tears in your muscles. That's what you're feeling when your sore the next day. It takes a day or two for those little tears to heal. Once they do you are stronger than you were before. But while those tears are healing bending over to lift the laundry basket and little everyday things like that may be a little painful. If you continue to work out before you've healed you risk seriously injuring yourself. If you continue working out while injured you can do permanent damage.

The case with people is similar. Emotionally and mentally we are tougher than our bodies, so it would take a great deal to cause permanent irreversible damage but it is possible. Also as you implied it is possible to spend to much time at rest, which will cause one to get weaker. If one spends their whole life eating and sleeping they are going to get sick and most likely die way before their time. I'm sure you've people who have gotten old before there time. The youthful zest for life is gone and vice versa. I've met some older people who have more pep than people half their age. It's all about balance.

When people don't get time to get there emotional or mental rest it does to the psyche what excessive exercise does to the body. People who are emotionally exhausted may say things like, I'm burnt out" or "I feel all used up". and yes, "I don't know where to start".

Anyway, that was the point I wanted to make. It's a cycle. Everything needs to rest and refuel. Nothing can just go forever.

Where you said: Why must compromises be made so quickly? If compromises must be made, at which point should they be made? I think amazing things happen to people who expect amazing things to happen.

That was something I needed to hear. Especially the compromise part.

[Matt Carter]

One step on from Stephanie's comment about the need to "rest and refuel" with Weight Training...not only is it wise to rest the muscles sufficiently from one workout to the next, but the entire body itself.

...It's not just the muscles that get taxed during a strenuous workout, but also the immune system, hormonal system and central nervous system too. These systems typically need even longer than muscles to recover appropriately when weight training, and going back too soon can have a disastrous effect on personal progress.

If you're interesting, there's a whole lot more juicy info on this via the link for a complete and thorough weight training program.

Very best,
Matt Carter
http://www.honestmusclegain.com

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[Tay]

Just to comment on Matts post,

Its not about weight training you div, its an analogy.